@xofreckles

Once, I got pulled over because a cop thought my car was on fire but really it was just my hair flying out the sunroof.

@xofreckles

Lesson learned: toddlers don’t understand sarcasm. As a side note, don’t say ‘bite me’ around toddlers that don’t understand sarcasm

@xofreckles

You mean ‘idiosyncrasies’ doesn’t mean two or more idiots doing the same thing at the same time?

@xofreckles

Cheese makes everything better…
*sprinkles parmesan on broken leg*