A French fry so long that you’re just like ‘I would like to shake the hand of the potato this came from’
But how long until spinach is trolling kale on social media?
My resolution isn’t to stop eating junk food, but to vacuum up the evidence.
Want me like my shower curtain does.
A heart shaped bed is only romantic because you have to snuggle, or both of you would have your feet hanging off the end of the bed, and they’d be his ‘n hers demon bait, and that wouldn’t be very romantic to most people who like heart shaped beds.
“I put on panties cause there was a spider on the deck and I don’t know where it went.” and other morning texts.
The amount of people watching me put air in my tires in short jean shorts makes me think I should start a bikini car wash.
My shower head has 2 settings; remove top layer of skin, or wash away sins.