@xysist

Am sorry I asked you ‘Who is the father’ when you told me your wife is pregnant.

@xysist

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day, teach a man how to fish and he’ll spend his time singing baby shark from the boat.

@xysist

If Noah was not holding ‘ Control ‘ while selecting the animals that were to enter the ark, then the Bible is a lie to me.

@xysist

Cauliflower is just cabbage rocking an afro.

@xysist

[ Spelling bee ]

Your word is Harry Potter

Voldermort: Avada Kedavra!

@xysist

* Gets out of a 10 year old coma * Me: Where am I? Dad: GO ASK YOUR MOTHER!

@xysist

Dad: Where were you?

Earth wire: Hanging out with live and Neutral

Dad: You grounded

@xysist

Sex is great, yes but have you ever had water come out of your ear after it stayed there two days after swimming? OMG

@xysist

Breakups is just a fancy name for what happens when men win arguments.

@xysist

Women are so jealous. I bet Eve counted Adam’s ribs everyday to see if another woman had been created.