Yeah sex is cool but have you ever lied to an Uber driver about what you do for a living?
Tell women at the bar you are the lead singer of Train. There’s no way they can know your lying.
I DIDN’T SAFELY EJECT MY FLASH DRIVE AND NOW MY DOG IS DEAD
Twilight is like soccer. They run around for 2 hours, nobody scores, and its millions of fans insist you just don’t understand.
“Yeah girl, lick my ass.” – stamps
Everything doesn’t “happen for a reason.” The universe is not aware of your existence. Stop being arrogant.
Never tell a psycho that they’re psycho, because then they feel like they’re obligated to prove it.
“You’ll have more fun in high school, Zach.”nn”You’ll have more fun in college, Zach.”nn”You’ll have more fun in Hell, Zach.”