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@OhNoSheTwitnt: 50 Shades of Grey is also the title of the 101 Dalmatians alternate ending where Cruella wins and makes a coat out of the puppies.
@JohnLyonTweets: Me: Hey, don't assume I'm dying alone. I might find someone, you don't know. Waiter: I asked if you were dining alone. Me: Oh, sorry. Yes.
@curlycomedy: The worst part about the measles outbreak at Disneyland was still the price of admission.
@JohnLyonTweets: A friend is in jail and I can't help feeling partially responsible because I framed him for murder.