Using Instagram as my only data set, I estimate my friend’s food budget to be about $78,000 a year.

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After watching “101 Dalmations” I hoped my dog’s barking was to help others, but I think she is just spreading gossip.


“I have $73 in my bank account!” sounded a lot cooler when I was 12.


“Whats the deal with all this airline food?”

-Sharks in Malaysia


We’ve replaced the names of the foreign countries & leaders in Trump’s speech with the names of IKEA® furniture. Let’s see if he notices



INTERVIEWER: We’re looking for a real cat person.

ME: *slowly pushes paperwork off desk*

INTERVIEWER: holy shit


She’s like a cat. I don’t mean in bed, she just ignores me