@DionneMcNutt: Using Romeo & Juliet to express how inlove you are is like using Hamlet to show how close and well adjusted your family life is.
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@PickleRudd: "There's a creepy bleeding witch who doesn't look friendly. She has cheese though." - my husband, deciding whether to interact with a character in a video game
@TheCheish: Mother: can you please fix my computer Me: *leans back in chair* well... well ... well ... if it isn’t Miss ‘Get Off That Computer’ Years 1994 to 2006
@noduffers: I just called one ex a calculator and another a potential murder victim so if you're looking for metaphors, I'm probably the grapefruit.
@ComradTwitty: You know why I've never been murdered in my sleep? Because I leave a cheese plate out for murderers every night. It's called hospitality maybe look it up sometime.