My favourite school memory?
Once during sex ed the teacher said ‘some of you won’t ever need to know this’ and everyone turned to look at me
Vacationing Putin fished, hiked, swam, and wrestled a bear.
Vacationing Trump rode a golf cart to his other golf cart.
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Using Twitter for business is like buying ad space over a urinal.
I miss that time in my life when people asked easy questions, like “What’s your favorite color?” or “Where is your belly button?”.
When I call you Hun, it’s short for Atilla.
Who the hell decided “have a happy period” was an okay thing to write on maxi pads? “NOT WORTH THE JAIL TIME” would have been more relevant.
*frantically searches around*
WAIT A MINUTE!
THIS FEELS LIKE ONLY 47 PILLOWS!
Interstellar (2014) – A widower utilizes mankind’s greatest technology to get as far away as possible from his kids.
People who talk to themselves tend to be better lovers. Did you know that? Yes, I did know that. Thank you for asking.
I bought a pair of underwear today.
In the front it says ‘I would do anything for love’.
In the back, ‘But I won’t do that’.
Just realized my undies are on inside out .. Was gonna change them around . but I figured let the other side get sum action for a change .