Did they try rubbing butter on the boat that’s stuck in the Suez Canal?
Vader: *waiting in Death Star hallway*
Vader: *tries a cool lean against the wall*
Vader: *fiddles with the lighting*
Vader: *tries a different cool lean*
Vader: *some real good kicks*
Obi-Wan: *enters hallway*
Vader: I’ve been waiting for you, Obi-Wan.
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hey teens ! if you think you’re angry now, just wait until you have to spend your own money on toilet paper.
Doctor: I’m afraid we’ve lost him.
Mother: What? But he was just getting a few stitches!
Doctor: It’s just a figure of speech, ma’am, he’s right here in the morgue.
Justify your alcoholism by having children.
Coworker: got a second?
Me: you mean the one you just wasted or another one?
good prank: sneak into someone’s house every night over a year and replace thier toilet with a slightly larger one until it fills tthe room
Date: Don’t tell anyone we met online. It’s embarrassing.
Friend: Where’d you guys meet?
Me: Family reunion
“Dog Detective, how can I help you?”
MY PERSON THREW THE BALL AND I CAN’T FIND IT
“Did you check his hand?”
NO HE THREW IT ALR… oh wait
My son asked me what language they speak in England. This would have been cute if he wasn’t 20 … And in college.
You know how if a bear is about to attack you, you’re supposed to stand totally still? Your smarter friend that’s running just punkd you.