I’m 41 years old, don’t ask me if I want to go see a band at 9:00 at night.
“Oh we have ways of making people talk.”
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I’m farmer Joe, this is my farm
DO U HAVE COWS?
Yes, it’s a dairy farm
DO U HAVE WHALES?
Kid, why wouldn’t we have whales?
Relationship Status: we made our marriage counselor cry.
Me: Popeye’s? He’s that spinach eating health nut isn’t he?
America: sure is
Me: oh hell yeah, finally a salad for lunch
America: lmao nope
M: MOMMMM, where are the scissors? I just bought a new pair!
Edward Scissorhands: You mean these?
M: Yesss! Could you just stop stealing my scissors every time you break a nail?!
me: excuse me, do u work here?
Using Instagram as my only data set, I estimate my friend’s food budget to be about $78,000 a year.
it’s gotta be as much fun for a slinky to go down an escalator as it is for a human to walk on a treadmill