I am not an accident waiting to happen.
I am an accident.
Very little scares me. So does very big.
You Might Also Like
I can’t take this show seriously until they address the size of Clifford the Big Red Dog’s poops.
My husband called and asked if I could be naked before he gets home from work. I feel awkward sitting here with his mother, but whatever.
I wonder who ate the first egg. Like who said, “I’m a eat the white ball that chicken just shit out.”
“Forgive me, I’m a terrible flort”
“Don’t you mean flirt?”
“OMFG. WTF is that?!”
*girl sits down*
“hi im melan-
QUICK A ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE HAPPENS WHAT WEAPON DO YOU USE
CORRECT ANSWER WAS KATANA. NEXT
watching my cats groom each other and it feels like I should be throwing money at them
My husband makes coffee for me every morning even when we’re fighting. Consider this evidence if I ever die by poison.
Pro Tip: don’t buy cheap duct tape. Your basement guests can chew right through that.
My mouth was numbed and I licked all over my orthodontist’s finger thinking it was my gums so now I can never go back and will have braces forever