@MooseAllain

Very sad to hear about Nigel Farage. Nothing’s happened to him, I’m just sad to hear about him.

You Might Also Like

@empressofsong

I am open to suggestions, comments, or glowing praise followed by many exclamation points.

@Brianhopecomedy

My son went over to a friend’s house & his Mom asked when we wanted him home. From her expression I think she was expecting a time, not day.

@Dutch_50

I’ve never made eggplant before. Is it better fried or scrambled?

@justabloodygame

[Scooby & the gang catch a regular guy]
“Let’s see who this ghost really is!”
No! Wait, I’m not-
[rip off face]
*gasps* “OLD MAN SKELETON?”

@Quartzjixler

“Why do you hate me?”

– me any time someone tells me I have to sleep on a futon

@IamSoffWilliams

We all have that special someone in our lives that we wish would get run over by a truck.

@MickyMax6

Eat anything u want.

If people make fun of ur size… Eat them too

@_Ms_Moneypenny_

Some guy called me a siren.
It’s like he doesn’t even care that I do beeping noises & I can purr & moan & do like all the other sounds, too.

@2tickytacky

I threw a dart at a map to pick a vacation spot and shattered the hell out of my phone screen.

@sarcasticmommy4

Thoughts & prayers for my son who thought his phone was charging overnight only to find he must go to school on 6%.