Video games have given me an unrealistic expectation of how easy it should have been to get sneakers on a hedgehog.

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*walks past yoga studio*
*looks in window*
*eyes widen*

Awesome. It’s like kindergarten.

*walks into class*
*unrolls mat*
*takes a nap*


he was a gator boy
she said catch you later boy
she was with animal control


Sorry but your password must contain an uppercase letter, a number, a haiku, a gang sign, a hieroglyph, and the blood of a virgin.


Cop: we have you surrounded come out with your hands up
Stick Figure: lol
Cop: wait are you surrendering or laughing right now


I read that the middle child is becoming extinct, so I guess you could say I’m an endangered species.


Role playing didnt go so well last night. She was the hot sexy teacher and I the rebel student..so I ditched class. Cause schools for nerds.


2 halloweens ago I was brutally owned by a small child when I answered my door in normal clothes and she said “nice lumberjack costume.”


You may think a squirt of water in the face is the best way to reprimand cats but turns out it works pretty well on people too.


Naked yoga in the backyard is the best way to get the neighbors to pay for that privacy fence.