I only fight in alleys so I can put them in a dumpster after I win
VILLAGERS: Stop crying wolf, you stupid idiot!
WOLF: What’s up?
BOY: I need you to kill the villagers
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Welcome back to Taco Addicts Anonymous. Congratulations everyone here on stayin clean for 4 months and-
[loud crunch noise in back of room]
Lady: he’s so mysterious
Lady2: I wonder what he’s thinking
[Me, just wondering how easy it’d be to convert a nerf gun to fire meatballs]
Me: No glove no love.
Gyno: Please don’t make another pap uncomfortable.
Donald Trump always looks like he’s just opened a really hot oven.
Genie: I’ll grant you 3 wishes
Me: I want to fall in love
G: OK next
M: With a really nice girl
*we both start laughing*
Its the little things that bring the most joy – Like sneaking a home pregnancy test in the shopping cart of a mom/daughter combo & observing
Amazing statistic. The new U2 album is the most deleted record in history.
Life would be simpler if you were notified when you were added to lists IRL.
“Your crush” has added you to list “Friend Zone”.