@WheelTod: Virgin Airlines original advertising slogan was "We're so sorry about that but If you give us a chance we swear it will be better next time"
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@squirrel74wkgn: [floor creaks inside mansion] Robber 1: shhhhhh... Robber 2: ... [Fitbit buzzes] Me: HEY GUYS I JUST GOT MY STEP GOAL
@Ygrene: Me: i wish for chips Genie: done Me: i wish for salsa Genie: …why didn't you just wish for chips & salsa? Me: ah…i wish I hadn't doneNO WAIT
@DadandBuried: As far as I'm concerned, anyone who suggests I should have a third child is committing a hate crime.
@T_Bonezzz_: "One day, I will create a global business-oriented social networking service" - Abraham LinkedIn