@Sorrowscopes: Virgo: Today fortunes will be reversed! You will abduct an alien and none of its friends will believe you.
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@TheToddWilliams: [heaven] ME: Lord? JESUS: My son ME: I have an important question JESUS: I know…The meaning of life is f- ME: Is Die Hard a Christmas movie?
@AGreaterMonster: Hair growing from my ears and nostrils doesn't mean I'm getting old, right? Means I'm turning into a werewolf! Right?
@jackiembouvier: They say you should do at least one thing each day that frightens you. Today that will be laundry.