“Vitamin Water”?? Sorry bud, that exists and it’s called SOUP

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Cop: There’s been another break in at the bakery.
Swan: I wouldn’t know anything about it.
Cop: *hands him a bread roll*
Swan: Word at the pond is that ducks did it, but you didn’t hear it from me.


Interesting how Lassie always happens to be at the scene when a kid “falls” down a well.


You wouldn’t know her. She goes to a different Internet


Daily ‘Facts About CHEESE’

Fact About Cheese #3:
“String Cheese. Is not made of string.”


When the wife says, “Would you rather spend time with your imaginary friends than with me?” “Yeah, kind of.” Is not the right answer.


I like to whisper my questions to the Librarian so they can ask me to speak louder


Never thought I’d be the type of person who competes for attention. Then I got a cat.