@meganamram

“Vitamin Water”?? Sorry bud, that exists and it’s called SOUP

You Might Also Like

@bingowings14

Cop: There’s been another break in at the bakery.
Swan: I wouldn’t know anything about it.
Cop: *hands him a bread roll*
Swan: Word at the pond is that ducks did it, but you didn’t hear it from me.

@JohnLyonTweets

Interesting how Lassie always happens to be at the scene when a kid “falls” down a well.

@DrDumbDum

You wouldn’t know her. She goes to a different Internet

@BonaFideIntent

Daily ‘Facts About CHEESE’

Fact About Cheese #3:
“String Cheese. Is not made of string.”

@bobinhiding

When the wife says, “Would you rather spend time with your imaginary friends than with me?” “Yeah, kind of.” Is not the right answer.

@OohSnapItsChris

I like to whisper my questions to the Librarian so they can ask me to speak louder

@_Water_Baby

Never thought I’d be the type of person who competes for attention. Then I got a cat.