Imagine the trouble she has trying to introduce herself in France.
Y E S F R I E N D
Why are you laughing?
A J O K E
W H Y D I D T H E M A N D I E A L O N E
I don’t get it
Y O U W I L L
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Someone on Facebook posted “Having the BEST DAY EVER!!”
So I posted the Sarah Mclachlan animal cruelty video in the comments
Me: Wait, you think I’m a slow learner?
Wife: (two years earlier) Why are you such a slow learner?
911: What’s your emergency?
Me: Do you think I’m pretty
Toto: I blessed Lorraine down in Africa
Adele: I set fire to Lorraine
Johnny Nash: I can see clearly now, Lorraine is gone
Lorraine: Stop it
technology has now advanced so far i can no longer tell the difference between people using hands-free earphones and people on drugs
I’m suspicious of polyamory because a good relationship is like a conspiracy to assassinate the president. You must trust in your fellow conspirators completely, so you have to keep the group as small as possible.
I just want everyone to know my daughter is a monster. She is dipping french fries in honey mustard. I have failed as a mother.
Me: oh Finding Dory is on, what a fun mov-
Neil deGrasse Tyson: You’ll note the fish switch between fresh & salt water without repercussion
Everybody always goes on about how Michelangelo painted the Sistine Chapel on his back but they never mention how long his arms were