Do the makers of Pringles know how big hands are?
wait I thought laser eye surgery meant I get laser eyes
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The government be like “please throw your grandma into an active volcano, the economy demands a sacrifice”
You can literally take anything from anyone as long as you shout “police emergency” and run away
When a squirrel runs on the road then turns around quickly is it because he thinks he left his little squirrel iron on?
Me: I’ll have a grande vanilla latte.
Barista: Soy milk?
Me: Hola Milk. Una gran latte de vainilla por favor.
My Daddy taught me to lick it before I stick it- I say to the judges as I hang a spit covered spoon from my nose.
Everyone is acting like they’re all excited for the eclipse like anyone will even look up from their phone
GERG: She licked ur donut?
JERY: Shes a DONUT LICKER!
JERY: she also said she “hates america”
GERG: Donut licking traitor!
Herbal tea…for when you want to drink some scented hot water.
It’s weird how in England the passenger drives the car