We're redesigning Funny Tweeter. Your feedback is always welcome. Talk to us at @funTweeters
@lloydrang: Wait - my gym moved?
@DevilryFun: I'm not scared I'll end up in an asylum after a breakdown. I'm scared someone will record it on their phone and I'll end up on a GIF.
@behindyourback: I'm rabidly against plagiarism, but I guess if you're going to steal something, a Columbus joke at least makes sense
@sixfootcandy: Why throw it in the hamper when I can throw it on a chair that’s 2 feet away from the hamper.
- My husband
@Shen_the_Bird: her: [during sex] call me names
me: [panicking] optimus prime
@Skoogeth: [a robber breaks into my house]
me, to my dog: sic him, boy, sic him
my dog: [coughs into his paw, wipes it on the robber’s face, and then looks at me for approval]
me: not... [rubbing my temples] not like that tho