what’s your pitch?
“so this guy steals from the rich…”
“and gives to the poor”
nice. what’s his name?
haha I love it
Wait – my gym moved?
You Might Also Like
I gave my cat a middle name today, so she knows when she is really in trouble.
In a physio waiting room amongst athletes comparing their stories.
I can’t wait until my turn when I tell them I slept wrong on my pillow.
Whoever said the sound of a zipper going down was the sexiest sound has obviously never heard a new bag of Doritos being opened.
[first day as an undercover police officer]
me: so uhh does anyone want to do some crime tonight? haha i love crime
Most annoying times to be attacked by bees
3. Seconds after selling your beekeeper’s suit
2. A day before you’re due to set a record for the longest anyone’s gone without being stung by a bee
1. During a battle to the death with your arch-nemesis who’s wearing a beekeeper’s suit
Someone with OCD visited my TL whilst I was napping and now all my tweets
seem to be facing the same way.
I just learned that embalmers insert butt plugs into corpses to prevent leakage….
So now I know why zombies walk like they do.
Top 5 Zones
5 – Twilight
4 – O
3 – End
2 – In the
when isolation is over, we should all be allowed to commit one (1) crime since we’ve technically already served the time for it