@CeruleanGates: Many many moons ago: Teacher: Well 75% of you passed math exams and will not have to go to summer school this year Me from the back: "YEAH BUT WHAT ABOUT THE OTHER 45% OF US"

@Jake_Vig: PRIEST: Do you take this this woman, to have and to hold, for better, for worse, until death do you part? ME: Well, now you made it weird.

@SlothSlouch: Got thrown out of another poetry reading for shouting "oooh naughty" every time someone used a metaphor for sex

@carlyken: "...until death do us part." *looks at minister* "What about a Walking Dead situation where she's a zombie? Then I can bang other chicks?"

@markydoodoo: Guys if ur drinking tonight please remember this; u can always use a frozen hot dog if u run out of ice. Ok stay safe & keep it real.