@TweetPotato314

waiter: how are your finger sandwiches, sir?

hannibal lector: *sighs* disappointing

You Might Also Like

@nealbrennan

I hope the bomber suspect is made of green screen so we can all project our most feared skin color onto him.

@pseudo_fred

I’m a man with a very specific set of skills. Woodworking, mostly. And so help me, God, I’m going to find you and build you a bench.

@WilliamAder

Hey, NSA, if you’re going to read them, would it kill you to star them?

@omgthatspunny

Can’t wait to get my first kiss this Christmas under the missile toe 😘😂

@drayzze

Hearing my own voice on recording makes me want to apologize to every single person I’ve ever talked to.

@iJohnKnoxville

Someone needs to open a bar called “The Gym”. Then I too can be annoying on Facebook by posting how I’m always at the gym.

@FakeDeanAccount

I like to reinvent myself every year, last year I was a small Italian woman and the year before that a bear.