Waiter, Waiter, I don’t eat meat, fish, eggs, gluten or dairy. What do you recommend?

A taxi.

#WaiterJokes #RubbishJokes #Puns #DadJokes

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The jerk store called? But, that jerk store burned down ten years ago… on this very night


[ghost writes YOUR DEAD in condensation on bathroom mirror]
“My dead what?”
[ghost writes *YOU’RE]


The inventor of predictive text has died.
His funfair will be hello on Sundial.



40 years later:
– Grandpa, sing me a song of your youth.
– Oppa Gangnam Style. Opp, opp, opp, opp!


* Finds what I’m looking for

* Can’t remember why I was looking


I taught my daughter to whistle a few days ago and now I’m teaching her that whistling can lead to adoption.


Interviewer: Is it true you are the first duck to be made a duke?
Duck: Please address me as ‘M’llard’