@theyearofelan: Wake up your lover by hysterically screaming "Are you sleeping?!?!"
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@carlyken: [bank robbery] OK EVERYBODY GET DOWN! [dave starts doing the electric slide] Damn it Dave, not you, go grab the money
@KarenLyneButler: I want Rebecca Black to make a music video for every day of the week! Said by nobody. Ever.
@Mom_Overboard: Me, sick: *filling up my Vicks humidifier* Him: Is that... Are you filling that with vodka? Me: Who are you my doctor? VAPOR IS VAPOR
@birdbutterer: I only look good from one angle and if someone could please tell me what that angle is I'd be grateful