Stop playing that stupid game and pick a Netflix movie Arthur!
Waking up in 2016: [immediately makes coffee]
Waking up in 2017: [immediately checks to see if WW3 has started]
You Might Also Like
I’m sorry if I looked interested. You probably caught me fantasizing about bacon.
*saves baby from burning building*
“How can I ever repay you?!”
Favstar in the bio
“Oh I don’t have Twi-”
*returns baby to burning building*
Everyone on this website is always like, “Eat the rich,” but then Carol Baskin feeds her millionaire husband to a tiger and it’s a problem, hypocrites
Becoming a grandparent is the one time it’s acceptable to choose your own nickname and people blow it EVERY TIME. Why would you be Grampy when you could be DEATHBLADE.
My family tree is a cactus, we’re all pricks.
Ari Aster: spends years making a deeply disturbing film
Asked a girl what I had to do to get her, she said, “GET LOST!”
So I stared…
Realising she wasn’t saying more, I asked, “which season?”
Ex: Do you ever think of someone else when we have sex?
Me: No, it’s always George Clooney.
Just found all my fan letters to Wolverine my wife “promised” she mailed stuffed behind the couch. I’m livid.