Walk up to someone drinking coffee and ask them if their coffee tastes different today.
Then smile and walk away.

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The snootiest of the dinosaurs was the Connoissaur. It roamed the earth during the Epicurean era.


Dear crush,
If there ever comes a day when you no longer find something to eat, I’m still here…
I mean, there’s food in my fridge 😏


He told me I was the “bee’s knees”.
I believe I merit being compared to something more like a lemur’s femur.
Who doesn’t love Zoboomafoo?


The Chipotle I went to apologized for not having any lettuce today. I said “It’s cute that you think I’m here for that.”


Forgot to open the door before applying hand lotion so now I’m stuck in my restroom forever.


Never snuggle your cat right after applying facial moisturizer. I know that now.


I hope the guy who just cut me off in traffic has his fav book made into a movie & the characters are nothing like he imagined them