When we do get this coronavirus vaccine, it better not just be cake.
walking into gamestop smoking a cigar to announce that i own $60 of stock and i demand they add garfield to super smash bros
You Might Also Like
cdc: corona lives on countertops for hours
my cat: *slowly pushes it off*
why is there Head & Shoulders shampoo. who has hair on their shoulders. whos shampooing their shoulder hair. please come forward
Accidentally played dad instead of dead when I encountered a bear and now it can ride a bike without training wheels. #circuseverydamnday
Cop: Know why I stopped you?
Me: Cuz you SMELLED THIS DONUT?
*tosses donut out window*
Me: Aren’t you gonna go get-
Cop: Get out.
[Scientist describing evolution of the zebra]
“We believe they were crime horses that stayed in jail for like a really, really long time.”
PaY fIVe MiLlIoN nOw AnD tHe DoG dOeSn’T gEt SmAsHeD
Signed: nOt ThE cAt
Her: Don’t make this weird.
Me: I don’t know any other way to do things.
Shit. Gotta huge job interview tomorrow and I have no clue where I put my prom dress