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@PleaseBeGneiss: [walking out of restaurant]
DATE: let’s do this again
ME: thank god I’m starving
@JCWisdomNuggets: Next time a dude says "Pictures or it didn't happen", punch them in the throat, take a pic, and tell a story about a guy you throat punched.
@duplicitron: Tug on my ponytail if you want to know what karate feels like.
@QwertyJones3: This florist doesn't even know anything about floors, and he's acting like I'm the stupid one!
@MrGeorgeWallace: Shout out to the top 5 cakes in the world, crab, pan, pound, urinal and let them eat.
@HallpassCanada: All of my best ideas involve jail time.