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@Kateness8: [walking somewhere]
My cat: I’M GOING TO GET THERE FIRST!!
@theroneman: [mom sneaks up & scares son; ruins coloring]
Narrator: Does this happen to u? Then u need...
[cut to mom jumping on 1 foot & yelling]
@CroweJam: Woke up in a graveyard. Never felt more alive.
@brianbowman73: Her: My baby is 28 months old.
Me: Oh really? I'm 74 inches tall.
Not so fun when YOU have to do the math, is it?
@FannyB1tch: Word of the day - Obama. I opened a bottle of brandy and drank it Obama self.
@iamspacegirl: *chasing after a rooster* give me your cool hat