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@AmericanGent69: *Walks into brothel*
One chicken soup to go please
@SSparklesDaily: Be like a cat and never give up on closed doors.
@laurenmacdonald: I use the phrase "when I win the lottery" a lot for someone who never buys any lottery tickets.
@drinksmcgee: *girl at the end of the bar winks at me
*I wink back
*she pouts at me
*I pout back
Waitress: Call 911! She’s had a stroke!
@OneToothTexan: Sorry I borrowed your duck lips to pull a dent out of my car.
@bdbdleeroybrown: Marriage is for people who want their break ups to involve paperwork.