@grimpossible
@DevilryFun
Just once I want to wake up to something exciting.
*Wakes up next to spider crawling on pillow.
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@DevilryFun
@Kendragarden
If I’m ever possessed, I hope the demon remembers these curls need product to bounce.
@brunopieroni
“GRAAAAAAIIIINNNNS” — Vegetarian Zombie
@thestlouisan
[Texting]
WIFE: Will you get coffee and a bagel for 6?
ME: He’s too young for coffee
W: Coffee’s for me
M: Where’s the comma?
W:
M: Hello?
@TumblrsFunnies
yup im doing this
@Scorpio1080
The Human Body Is 90% Water, So Basically We’re Just Cucumbers With Anxiety” – Science Person
@BeckyKillinit
#IMustBeOldBecause I’m starting to give real world answers on my math test!
@dshack8
My kids can’t hear the dog barking for 15mins to come back inside but they can hear me bite into a Pop-Tart from 3 counties away.
@whtedaisy
Decks. Because I like to be outdoors, but not like all on the ground and shit.
@moralofthestor3
[before Toto]
Rain down in Africa: *sneezes*