@DiscoFruit: wanna feel old? this is eminem now:
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@ConanOBrien: Having an authentic Thanksgiving celebration this year. I’m giving my family smallpox.
@dafloydsta: [first date] HER: I'm really into the outdoors type. ME: [trying to impress] I'm homeless.
@JermHimselfish: I've never been put in the "friend" zone, but I have been put in the "please don't tell my friend's" zone.