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If Iron Man and the Man of Steel were to team up, they’d be powerful alloys.
Sweet potatoes are just regular potatoes that remember birthdays and anniversaries.
Tier 3 meme
Gotta be tough for the guy somewhere who has to say “yeah, she left me for Charles Manson.”
japanese chef: “we need a name for our sauce”
me: “what about Keithyaki? haha”
my friend Teri: “i have a much better idea”
Lmao @ the people who named their kids Daenerys or Khaleesi. What a bunch of absolute fools. If only they were as wise as me, father to a beautiful baby girl named Detective Pikachu
I have a tenuous grasp on the English language. Shakespeare? That dude’s grasp on the English language was, like… twelveuous.
You can be anyone you want on twitter, so I’m a little surprised so many guys chose “creepy weird dude.”
Me: I’m way tougher than you.
Wife: I gave birth twice without an epidural.
Wife: You called in sick for an ice cream headache.