WARNING: There isn’t nearly as much beer in the wilderness as Coors commercials lead one to believe.
WARNING: Local youths in the park are claiming to be tax inspectors & are issuing fines for €70 in “gullibility tax”. DO NOT PAY. Turns out there’s no such tax. When you go back to confront them, they say they can’t do refunds without a tax receipt. THEY NEVER GAVE ME A RECEIPT
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Starting to miss the kids after 5 days at grandma’s, so I wistfully dumped a bin of toys on the floor and sprinkled crumbs on the couch.
I read all tweets with poor grammar and word choice in a Cookie Monster voice.
Is it just me, or do toasters have like 4 settings too many? They should have 1 setting that reads: “Toast”
one small step for man one giant step for a really small man
my dad always makes fun of me for taking selfies all the time but if he didn’t want such a beautiful child he should’ve kept it in his pants
[being prepared as a virgin sacrifice to a vengeful god]
me: this is a mistake. i do sex all the time
shaman: [anointing me with ceremonial oils] lol with who?
me: you wouldn’t know her she goes to another tribe
ok dont let them know i stalked them online
them: my aunt–
me: theresa or sharon
me: is there anything i can say to stop you from leaving
The baby daddies on 16 & Pregnant/Teen Mom should be used to test air bags.