Burger King’s slogan “Have It Your Way” was shortened from “Are You Sure You Wanna Eat This? Ok. Have It Your Way”.
Was gonna go to the gym but then I checked Twitter. In 2009
You Might Also Like
ME: *first day as a ghost* So we just kind of bug people?
OTHER GHOST: *going to town in a rocking chair* Have anything better to do?
me: [performing autopsy] so I’ve been practicing my ventriloquism
assistant: now’s not the time
corpse: aw come on
Fun fact: Girls who tweet about sports will not do that thing you like.
I’ve never been held hostage but I’ve been on a group text.
I’m not your typical teenage girl. I’m 35 years old.
If abortion is murder, then are condoms kidnapping…
*speed dating bell rings
Me: Why are you breaking up with me?
Instead of condoms I keep moist towelettes in my purse because I am more apt to have buffalo wings instead of sex!
Parenting teenagers is easy since they already know everything.