@TraylorParker: My Sister is naming her baby Nevaeh because it's Heaven spelled backwards. I said, just name her what she's going to end up being. Tulsa.

@bitchuaries: there’s plenty of fish in the sea but you know what else there is? trash. there is a lot of trash in the sea.

@_Kayditty: Why can't I be rubied or diamonded. NOOO. I had to be jaded.

@IamEveryDayPpl: My scariest campfire story is about the time I held a flashlight under my chin to tell one and everybody started counting my whiskers...

@DadZZZasleep: [pearly gates] Pete: Me: Pete: Me: was it my browser history? Pete: wAs It mY bRoWsEr HiStOrY