“Do you know why I pulled you over?”
“You thought I’d like your pretty lights?”
“Recite the alphabet backwards”
“I can’t even do that sober”
Was out on the golf course and shot an eagle at Hole 9. Mom doesn’t believe me, but wait till she sees the eagle.
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My dad had a good idea. Sometimes when cars drive by your house they honk at you. But you can’t respond. That’s where House Horn comes in
*follows around a family of ducks in the park while playing Sandstorm on a boombox*
Neighbors across the street have their Christmas lights up, so I invited them to my Easter Egg hunt this afternoon.
You ever eat fish and chips at the aquarium and get the feeling you’re being watched?
If you’re walking by an abandoned bookstore & the front door opens for no reason, go into that bookstore.
*watches Forensic Files for tips*
*scribbles “DON’T GET CAUGHT”*
Dandelions are just like regular lions, except they wear ascots.
NORTH CAROLINA:We believe in family values.
ME:Like Disney movies?
ME:Like Mulan, where a cross dresser saves China?
Fool me once, shame on you.
Fool me twice, shame on me.
Fool me 85,432 times, you’re a weatherman