@goodhairperson: *watches an extremely cute guy flirt with an equally cute girl at the gym from the floor above like an old witch on a mountain*
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@kelkulus: My iPhone corrects "WHOA" to "WHOSE", which just made my text response to "I JUST HAD A BABY!!!" a little awkward.
@kentgrossarth: Boss: Is that beer? You're not supposed to drink at work! Me: You're not supposed to cheat on your wife. Boss: You're doing a great job.
@geekysteven: GOD: That's the last of the animals. Now add warning colors to the poison ones ANGEL: Will do GOD: But not all of them, keep some surprises