Both my ends are business ends.
*watches as both hands turn into devils*
*looks over sink*
“Oh, this is just great”
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If the final episode of Game of Thrones doesn’t feature a group hug with everyone singing “Kumbaya,” then I don’t know what I’m talking about.
I don’t know how you women do it. Every time I try to “sleep my way to the top” I get woken up and sent to HR.
I love the gym this time of year.
The newbies make me look like a Victoria Secret model.
Son: can I get lunch money
Dad: I have a boyfriend
Is it proper etiquette to place your phone to the left or right of your silverware at the dinner table?
Movie comes on while im in bed: ugh ive seen this a million times
Movie comes on before I have to get ready for work: oh hell yea a classic
guys I wanna start watching the news but I’ve never seen a single episode and I don’t have time to watch it all before the new season starts can one of you catch me up?
I hate when people call and say they’re 10 minutes away for a “drop-by surprise visit” and I have to set fire to my house.
I just screamed at the dog to pitch in and do more to help us through this crisis like the WW 2 generation. How’s everyone else holding up?