Viking funerals are perfect for when you want to honor a friend and also get rid of a boat.
*watches Charlotte’s Web*
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Season 1 episode 1 of Black Mirror
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ME: did u just make the ding sound with ur mouth
ME: we have 4 minutes left
DATE: *louder this time* ding
When you find out your hotel has a waffle bar.
There’s that girl again. Time to impress her.
*Rolls down the window blasting a science podcast*
I forgot why I was retracing my steps so I gave up and re-retraced them back to bed.
Got rid of all those dangerous Tide pods when I gave them away on Halloween.
Sure reading a book under a tree is peaceful but imagine how stressful it is for the tree to see a bunch of it’s dead friends in your hand.
Don’t spend money on body modification. If you wait long enough, your body modifies itself for free.
my son just asked me where do pizzas come from adn has yet to ask me where do babeys come from. thats my boy
When choosing a heart medicine, always pick the one that causes, “significantly less bleeding.”
Less bleeding is good for not being dead.