Apparently the g-spot is located in a $1700 pair of Christian Louboutins.
*watches Charlotte’s Web*
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Season 1 episode 1 of Black Mirror
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Drive by shootings are just one more example of Americans being too lazy to get out of their cars.
when my daughter is mad she points at me and delivers what I can only assume is a gypsy curse
*signs your yearbook “best friends for life”
*never speaks to you again *
Whenever people say they’re willing to do “whatever it takes” to “make it in Hollywood” they never mean “patiently work on their craft”.
“Miley Cyrus: ‘Society Wants to Shut Me Down'”. Not down, Miley. Up.
You are what your parents ate too..I’m part black licorice..part hot dog.
SHIT. NO. GODDAMMIT
Wife: Why the hell did you buy a buffalo?
Me: I’d rather have a buffalo and not need it than need a buffalo and not have it.
Donald Trump has all the resources to be Batman. Instead, he chooses to be Donald Trump.