“If you love something, set it free…”
Unless it’s a man…
Cause he’ll get lost…
And you know he won’t ask for directions…
[watching friend input his password on a website]
ME: dude, your password is just 10 asterisks? not very secure
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God: your name is Owl.
God: you. your name is Owl.
Owl: I know. I’m just kidding with ya.
God: ok then state your name.
Owl: your name lol.
God: [under breath] you’ve made a powerful enemy today.
CNN: Trump removes screaming baby from rally
Fox News: Trump rally interrupted by another unruly, entitled protestor who still lives at home
Ten: Number of fingers children have.
Twenty-six: Number of fingers children have when you try to put gloves on them.
A gaggle of geese. A murder of crows. A nope of laundry.
Drinking alcohol before pregnancy can cause pregnancy.
yeah is it Pets Mart or Pet Smart?
“ma’am this is a bank”
I know but you seem like a man with some answers
I lost my husband two years ago and am thinking about dating again.
Does this bed seem too desperate?
Women say they love nerds until you whip out your Pokemon cards.
Got the invite to your wedding. Thanks! Sadly, your blatant overuse of illegible, ornate script fonts means I don’t know when or where it is