I’m sorry I whispered “a weem a way” over and over during your jungle safari slide show…
“Buy her the perfect diamond earrings for the holidays…”
Wife: Those are perf-
Me: *changes channel*
You Might Also Like
“You’re gonna die in 7 days”
[me, pantless in dark kitchen, lips to phone]
Can u make it 5
My parents think im a virgin. My boss thinks Im an excellent employee. The government thinks Im an outstanding citizen. Where’s my Oscar?
1969: i bet in 50 yrs, we’ll have a colony on Mars, & flying cars.
There should be more Christmas tunes about vengeance.
Her: “Is that you in your avi?”
Me: “No, it’s a picture of me.”
Sorry, I’m in a hurry, lets talk while we walk… You go that way.
BULLFROG: look at all u lil toad nerds
TOAD: help! a BULLYfrog!
TEACHER SNAKE: i’ll handle this *eats everyone*
A Riddler origin movie would be like 10 min long bc he’d only have to tell one riddle before getting beaten up and becoming a villain
Christina Aguilera: *uses elaborate hand gestures while singing*
Me: *uses same gestures while eating a calzone*