@Izianikapani

Water towers were invented so angst ridden teenagers had something to climb in 80s movies.

You Might Also Like

@Lanecat2

You shouldn’t have driven home from the bar last night.

Especially since you walked there.

@sugarwits

Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day. Feed a man to the fishes, and you’ll never have to share your food again.

@Brianhopecomedy

Saw a phone booth. Hopped in. Came out. Didn’t become Superman.

Now it just looks like I was hiding while that lady was getting mugged.

@DVSblast

I HAVE DECIDED TO MAKE A CONSCIOUS DECISION NOT TO HAVE MY MIND “BLOWN” ANYMORE. IF DINOSAURS COME BACK & I SEE ONE I’LL JUST BE LIKE “GOOD”

@Iwriteforcats

Cats make the best boyfriends because they’re soft, loyal, and won’t claim they’re straight but then turn gay after one lousy date, BRENT!

@lisaxy424

Always answer a math question in a silly voice because if you’re wrong they’ll think you’re joking and if you’re right they’ll feel dumb.

@wumother

I didn’t buy any junk food when I last left my house, March 19th…I am intensely regretting that decision.

@daddydoubts

Being a parent isn’t just a job it’s a way of life. Like coal mining, or deep sea fishing, or ice road trucking….really any job that’s actively trying to kill you.