You shouldn’t have driven home from the bar last night.
Especially since you walked there.
Water towers were invented so angst ridden teenagers had something to climb in 80s movies.
You Might Also Like
Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day. Feed a man to the fishes, and you’ll never have to share your food again.
Saw a phone booth. Hopped in. Came out. Didn’t become Superman.
Now it just looks like I was hiding while that lady was getting mugged.
I HAVE DECIDED TO MAKE A CONSCIOUS DECISION NOT TO HAVE MY MIND “BLOWN” ANYMORE. IF DINOSAURS COME BACK & I SEE ONE I’LL JUST BE LIKE “GOOD”
Cats make the best boyfriends because they’re soft, loyal, and won’t claim they’re straight but then turn gay after one lousy date, BRENT!
Always answer a math question in a silly voice because if you’re wrong they’ll think you’re joking and if you’re right they’ll feel dumb.
I didn’t buy any junk food when I last left my house, March 19th…I am intensely regretting that decision.
Being a parent isn’t just a job it’s a way of life. Like coal mining, or deep sea fishing, or ice road trucking….really any job that’s actively trying to kill you.