@Home_Halfway

We all make fun of Kristen Stewart for her wide variety of facial expressions, but she’d probably kick all our asses in poker.

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@heatherlou_

If a woman is in Lowe’s buying a plunger, she doesn’t want to be hit on. She’s dealing with enough shit already.

@senderblock23

No, I said I wanted to BING you on my kitchen counter. You know, the popular search engine?

@IamEnidColeslaw

watch only the first and last episodes of How I Met Your Mother. you’re welcome

@mjkspeaks

I only make mistakes when I’m around people who are observant.

@Kryzazy

My rapper name would be “Lil’ Panic Attack”.

@dance_blessed

Remember: You are like a snowflake. Beautiful. Unique. White. Only here for a short time. People get mad when you sit on their cars.

@TheAlexNevil

First rule of camping: bring the kind of toilet paper that won’t attract animated bears.

@CoolCamel69

wherever this dart lands is where I’ll take a trip to
*throws dart and it lands on Hogwarts poster*
oh, well this is going to be difficult

@brookeisgolden

Based on my experience with trying to find the restroom at Kohl’s, I would die first in the Hunger Games.