ME: I love u
ME: and I wanna be with u always
ME: [gets down on 1 knee] will u–
GF: U ARE DISRESPECTING THE FLAG
We all wear masks.
I’m about to trade in my ‘polite coworker’ mask for my ‘dude you don’t want to meet in a dark alley’ mask
You Might Also Like
Birds are dinosaurs? No. I want dinosaurs here or I want them completely gone. I don’t need a bullshit imitation dinosaur to shit on my car.
AXL ROSE: Where do we go? Where do we go now? Where do we go-o-o-o?
GOOGLE MAPS: Shut up for a minute and I’ll tell you
I’m sorry, I’m just in a really weird place right now I say from a lazy Susan inside a friend’s pantry
May the Force be Mass times Acceleration.
8:00 AM: I am 100% committed to this new diet!
8:45 AM: Eats an entire box of uncooked lasagna noodles
People look at you funny when you put things in their cart at the store.
Vegemite but I really wish a vegewould 😤
Her: ‘Do I look, like, fat?’
Brain: Of course not.
Brain: Say SOMETHING
Mouth: ‘Like a fat what?’
Brain: Oh dear God
If you don’t like the way you look naked, remember; by the time you have your clothes off, its the other person’s problem.