@underchilde: We appreciate the 3 billion guys that signed up for our sex study, but unfortunately we only need five.
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@mexinonblonde: WOW! You do a dazzling imitation of a blithering idiot! Oh... You're being serious, about your love for your TC? Oh dear, this is awkward.
@ceejoyner: a daycare dad cut me off in the parking lot so I went early yesterday and taught his kid how to ride a bike you can never get that back
@armyVet1972: Boss: Can you look this up? Me: (munching on donut) Internet's closed. Boss: Oh. Me: Yeah, I think they're vacuuming it or something.
@HatfieldAnne: My first scholarly article was rejected in a letter so scathing I worried there might be criminal charges as well.