We are never going to defeat the Decepticons, they are too good. I mean Bumblebee can’t even talk!

~Pessimist Prime.

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My sexual orientation is definitely Landscape. I dabbled with Portrait but my legs got tired.


[boss closing his door] I’m glad you enjoyed your trip down south but [the beads in my braids clack together as I turn] but what


People in 2050 be like “your boyfriend broke up with you? Don’t worry, there is plenty of plastic in the sea.”


That awkward moment when u lock binoculars with your neighbor.


me: we should have a housewarming party

dad: [moving to block the thermostat] a what now


I’ve learned there are two types of people in this world:

People I trust to help me bury bodies…

…and bodies


When children vomit, sometimes it sounds like they’re saying the names of Ikea furniture.


{At concert}
A group of baby bunnies: HELL YES THIS IS OUR SONG


I guess knocking on random dressing room doors in a department store and asking “hey, can I see how you look?” is frowned upon.


Doctor: Looks like you’re pregnant.

Me: I’m pregnant?

Doctor: No it just looks like you are.