@Morgan2383Mo

“We are out of oranges” he said, fruitlessly.

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@Marlebean

I’m “by the time I find a gif, the conversation topic has changed” awkward in dm groups.

@daemonic3

throwin a party tonight

goths $5
furries $5

raccoons $10 since y’all wanna be both

@dmc1138

I can’t believe these kids at this lemonade stand expect me to provide my own vodka.

@TheRealPalMal

Coworker: How’s your worksite?

Me: I can see my work fine thank you.

@TitaniumToplass

Just found out that umbrellas open up. I always wondered why my rain stick never kept me dry. We never stop learning do we.

@Book_Krazy

*Buys world map*
*Pins map to wall*
*Promises to visit wherever dart lands*
*Throws dart at fridge*

@hipstermermaid

Donald Trump is like the “Scream” movies in that he blurs the line between comedy and horror.