Walk of shame?? More like, walk of don’t judge ME because YOU didn’t get laid last night.
we got a new neighbour and I thought it was taking him weeks to move in but turns out he works for u-haul
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My first language is typo.
Tell me twitter, just how the f am I similar to a Buick dealership?
Me: This little kid sitting next to me in a restaurant wouldn’t stop screaming so I decided to scream back and wow I totally get why kids scream it’s so freeing and so much better than actually verbalizing your emotions
Therapist: I think you’re regressing
Me: *screams* am i?
I basically have three hairstyles.
interviewer: why do you want this job
me: i’ve just always been very passionate about not starving to death
If they’re right about the Mayan calendar and the world ends next week, I’m cool with that because the people whom I love know I love them.
Also, it means I don’t have to fix up this freaking house any more
Coworker: You look angry.
Me: I’m not.
CW: Really angry.
Me: THIS IS MY NORMAL FACE
1. Go to police station 2. Say a gang mugged you 3. Describe your own relatives to police sketch artist 4. Claim free family portrait
*quietly tries to open bag of chips while fiancé is reading her wedding vows*