If you love someone let them go. If they come back they probly forgot their keys or something & yikes that’s gonna be an awkward 30 seconds.
We got about 5-6 inches of snow here in the last 24 hrs, or, according to men, we got 8 inches.
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If my wife ever leaves me, I’m going with her.
-Are you going to just keep spinning around in that chair?
Sorry. I didn’t think we started yet.
You laugh at the burrito in my purse, until you get hungry.
*at a concert*
ARE YOU GUYS READY TO ROCK
LETS DO THIS HIT IT
*30 second ad plays first*
how…. how do u get sold out… of having no mayo????
(Item doesn’t scan)
Me: Does that mean it’s free?
Cashier: You’re literally the 100th person to use that line today.
Me: Does being the 100th person to use that line today mean I get it for free?
For the hoe on the go
My sense of smell has been gone ever since the, “smell this leftover ham” incident back in 2004.
YOU’RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME!
Migraine: Yes I am.